Biblical Remedy for Rejection

Rejection can be defined as the sense of being unwanted. You desire people to love you, and yet you believe that they do not. You want to be part of a group, but you feel excluded. Somehow you are always on the outside looking in.

Closely related to rejection are the wounds of betrayal and shame. All produce similar responses in the wounded person, the feeling of not being wanted or accepted. This can happen to Christians - both ordained ministers and churchgoers. Rejection is in the spirit of man and therefore many Christians suffer rejection without even knowing about it. Many of them have a "crushed" or "broken" spirit without knowing it. Consequently they suffer many types of disorders, and the common ones are sleeping disorder and eating disorder. The tragedy is that instead of coming to God and the Word of God for remedy, they, without hesitation, visit psychologists or psychiatrists for help. Medications are given to them but their problems remain - their broken spirits still cling on to them. Please read my earlier message - "Christianity or Psychology."

Solomon said, "A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance, but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken" (Proverbs 15:13, NKJV).

"The spirit of a man will sustain him in sickness, but who can bear a broken spirit" (Proverbs 18:14)?

A broken spirit is harder to bear than physical illness.

Let us study the nature of rejection, the causes of rejection and the results of rejection before we look for a remedy of rejection provided for us from the Word of God.

The nature of rejection

We need to understand that God seeks to work in our lives from the root.

John the Baptist said, "And even now the ax is laid to the root of the trees. Therefore every tree which does not bear good food fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire" (Matt. 3:10).

The tree is cut down from the root. I believe one of the most common roots of all human problems is rejection.

Broken relationships

God designed human nature so that every baby born into the world would crave for the kind of security provided by the beautiful unbroken relationship between the child and his parents. A child can never truly be satisfied, fulfilled, or secure without parental love, particularly love from a father. The major cause of broken relationships between parents and children comes from failed marriages. Almost always, one or both parties emerge with a wound of rejection.

Broken relationship between parents and children is in the heart of God. God foresaw this end-time crisis when He spoke through prophet Malachi. The last two verses of the Old Testament say:

"Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord. And he will turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers, lest I come and strike the earth with a curse" (Malachi 4:5, 6).

The final outcome of rejection caused by broken relationship is a curse. However, for those who will turn to God through Jesus, He has provided healing from this curse. We shall deal with this in a later section.

The causes of rejection

All human relationships are accompanied by the risk of rejection. Here are some causes of rejection.

Rejection during the school years

This is very common. You could be a subject of ridicule because of your race, your hair style or if you had a physical defect. Whatever the reason, many people are disturbed by those who are different. If they do not how to identify with you, they reject you.

Rejection from a parent

The most damaging kind of rejection comes when a child perceives rejection from a parent. I believe there are three situations that can cause this wound. First, a child may be unwanted during pregnancy. The mother may be carrying a child in her womb whom she really does not want. She may not say anything, but the attitude is in her heart.

A second situation is when a child's parents do not physically demonstrate their love for their child. The is common in the Asian culture.

A third rejection-producing circumstance occurs when siblings perceive unequal affection from their parents, whether it is intentional or not. This can come about when there are several children with unequal performance in school work - academic or in sports. The favored one usually gets all the praises and affections.

Rejection due to betrayal and shame

This is rejection of a failed relationship, especially by a marriage partner. The pain of rejection is compounded because it involves broken trust, and thus it becomes betrayal. For example, a wife trusted her husband and gave herself to him unreservedly. Then her husband left her and she felt betrayed and rejected. Or the same thing could happen when the wife suddenly left her husband who trusted her, and he felt betrayed and rejected.


Read what comfortable words the Lord spoke through Isaiah:


"'Do not be afraid; you will not suffer shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated. You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood. For your Maker is your husband - the Lord Almighty is his name - the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth. The Lord will call you back as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit - a wife who married young, only to be rejected,' says your God" (Isaiah 54:4 - 6, NIV).


Isaiah painted a vivid picture of what betrayal is like. God painted for Israel a picture of their condition as He saw it. He compared them to a wife who has been rejected by her husband.


The results of rejection


I believe the primary result of rejection is the inability to receive or communicate love. A person who has never experienced being loved cannot transmit love.


John said, "We love Him because He first loved us" (1 John 4:19).


It is the love of God that stimulates our love for Him in response. Love lies dormant until it is stimulated by another person. Without such interaction, love never comes to life. Therefore, if a person does not know the love of God or parents, an inability to love can be passed from generation to generation. Take for example, a little girl is born into a family where she does not experience love - she has a wound of rejection, so she cannot communicate love. She grows up, marries, becomes a mother, and has a daughter. Because she cannot communicate love to her daughter, her daughter has the same problem. Therefore, this terrible problem is perpetuated from generation to generation.


God spoke through Ezekiel that children should not be obligated to suffer for what wrong their ancestors did:


"What do you mean when you use this proverb concerning the land of Israel, saying: 'The fathers have eaten sour grapes, and the children's teeth are set on edge'? 'As I live,' says the Lord God, 'you shall no longer use this proverb in Israel. Behold, all souls are Mine; the soul of the father as well as the soul of the son is Mine; the soul who sins shall die. If he has walked in My statutes and kept My judgments faithfully - he is just; he shall surely live!' says the Lord God" (Ezekiel 18:1 - 4, 9, NKJV).


Therefore, even if your parents never showed you love, God does not want you or your children to suffer for their mistakes. By accepting God's provision, you can cut off that evil inheritance once and for all. Besides an inability to show love, there are other secondary results of rejection. I believe rejection produces three kinds of people: the person who gives in, the person who hold out, and the person who fights back.


The person who gives in


This type of person thinks, "I just can't take this. Life is too much for me. There is really nothing I can do." The chain of negative emotions goes like this - rejection, loneliness, self-pity, misery, depression, despair or hopelessness, and then finally lead to suicide.


The final result is tragic. Many, of course stop short of it, yet it is the logical outcome of the process that is set in motion by rejection. Whether it takes the form of death or of suicide depends on the emotional makeup of each person.


The person who hold out


This type of person refuses to give in and builds some kind of defense. This is really a facade, something that covers up the inner agony and struggle. They usually develop a kind of superficial happiness.


The person who fights back


This type of person usually becomes a fighter - one who fights everything. The order in which his reactions to rejection develop, is usually like this - first, resentment; second, hatred; and finally, rebellion.


Samuel said, "For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry" (1 Sam. 15:23).


Both rebellion and witchcraft are forms of apostasy. Rebellion is the denial of God's authority; witchcraft is the recognition of false supernatural experiences distinct from God. The sin of witchcraft means participating in the occult - which includes such things as Ouija boards, horoscopes, fortune telling and seances. In other words, it is turning from the true God to a false god.


The remedy of rejection


Our Lord Jesus Christ Himself is the remedy of rejection. His sacrificial death on the cross is an all-inclusive provision for all human needs, including rejection. His ultimate rejection purchased for us our acceptance.


Let us look at various aspects of the exchange that took place on the cross - Christ took our curse so that we might have His blessing (Gal. 3:13, 14). He took our sin in order that we might have His righteousness (2 Cor. 5:21). He took our poverty so that we might have His wealth (2 Cor. 8:9). He took our death in order that we might have His life (Heb. 2:9).


The shame and rejection endured by Jesus


The exchange also has implications for us concerning shame and rejection.


The writer of Hebrews said: "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning the shame" (Heb. 12:2, NIV, emphasis added).


Jesus was well aware of the shame and public humilation that He would experience on the cross. In fact, one of the primary objectives of curcifixion was to shame that person. As the person hung naked on the cross, spectators walked by and made derogatory remarks.


On the cross God's offering for us is:


The Lord spoke through Isaiah: "Instead of their shame my people will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace they will rejoice in their inheritance" (Isaiah 61:7, NIV, emphasis added).


A double rejection endured by Jesus


Now we come to the deepest wound of all endured by Jesus - rejection. Jesus endured a double rejection - first by men and then by God Himself.


1. Isaiah clearly portrayed the rejection of Jesus by His fellow county men:


"He was dispised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not" (Isaiah 53:3, NIV, emphasis added).


2. Jesus Himself said that God had forsaken Him:


"From the sixth hour (midday) until the ninth hour darkness came over all land. About the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice, 'Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?' - which means, 'My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?'" (Matt. 27:45, 46, NIV, emphasis added).


For the first time in history of the universe, the Son of God prayed but the Father did not answer Him. God averted His eyes from His Son. God stopped His ears at His cry. Why? You see, at that time, Jesus was identified with our sin. The attitude of God the Father toward Jesus had to be the attitude of God's holiness toward our sin - the refusal of fellowship, a complete and absolute rejection. Jesus did not endure that for His own sake, but instead to make His soul a sin offering for us!


Think of that awful darkness. Think of the loneliness, the sense of being absolutely abandoned - first by man, then by God. You and I may have experienced some measure of rejection, but never has it been in that measure. Jesus died of a broken heart. What broke His heart? The ultimate rejection! His rejection opened the way for our acceptance!


"At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom" (Matt. 27:51).


In other words, the barrier between God and man had been removed. The way was opened for man to come to God without shame, without guilt and without fear. Jesus took our rejection so that we might experience His acceptance!